Burning Desire
by laurelsalexis
Summary: Nathan didn't expect for Meredith to kiss him. Just like he didn't expect to like it the way he had, to feel the burn of his body instantly, the way she just ignited something inside of him that he couldn't even process as he backed her into her car. or what happened in the car during 12x23.


Sets this fic down gently in front of everyone. I need Jesus for writing this. Anyway, this is my own version of 12x23. Canon compliant to the show, but also fits in with Northern Lights. So, you can assume that this is like a prequel to that fic. A porn prequel. That's all this is.

* * *

Nathan didn't expect for Meredith to kiss him. Just like he didn't expect to like it the way he had, to feel the burn of his body instantly, the way she just ignited something inside of him that he couldn't even process as he backed her into her car. A brief moment came where he wanted to make sure it was what she wanted. He had no problem fucking her in the back of her car in the parking lot, but she hated him. _All the time._ Couldn't remember a time in which she actually was nice to him, maybe when she shook his hand in from of the OR board. They were yelling at each other in front of their cars and causing something of a scene. To put it nicely, Meredith seemed to be an angry mess over her husband that day more than any other. Was angry at everyone over Shepherd. Casual mistakes were fine when didn't have to work someone every day. He'd been there, done that, and wouldn't go back.

When she told him to shut up he didn't bother to worry about it any longer. Not when his blood was rushing south and what had once been an in shower fantasy was becoming something of a reality. He wasn't going to let that go if she wanted it just as badly as he did.

That was another series of questions in a long series of questions he just didn't have the answer to. She was there, with him, tugging him into her car and showing no gentleness. The impression she left had always been disdain, having no problem spreading it around that he cheated on Megan, no problem in acting hostile all the time, no problem in basically telling him to fuck off without actually using those exact words. _Surprisingly_.

Her devotion to Owen was absolute, more so than anyone else in that hospital. For everything he learned he never had the ability to deduce why. Suppose it didn't really matter, especially when he ended up on top of her, her lips connecting to his in a fashion that was no less needy than before, hot, desperate, almost, getting rid of months of tension that could only be described as endless foreplay.

His thinking ceased then, knowing just how much he wanted her. He'd wanted her since he met her and he wasn't stupid enough to get the greenlight and then pull some crap that they shouldn't, something that would have made no difference in the end. Sexually frustrated Meredith Grey was probably worse than hate him because of Owen Hunt, Meredith Grey. He didn't want to find out if the assumption was true.

His jeans were tighter, his hands roaming her body, slipping underneath her shirt, lips swollen and lungs burning for air. He couldn't remember the last time he cursed his need to breath, or he wanted someone so badly that everything felt like it was moving too slow, that they both had on too many damn layers. He hadn't taken up the whole one night stand route too often, throwing himself into his work more than just anyone who passed him by. That usually got him into trouble and by the time he hit his forties he managed to control his urges. Couldn't blame the hormones anymore.

Her hands fumbled at her own jeans. Not one to waste any time he followed her lead, pulling himself just enough to free him from the confines, the relief minimal. She reached down and stroked him, slowly, too slowly, annoying him just out of pure frustration while he tugged her jeans off of her body completely, just as she kicked her shoes off. Too many damn clothes.

"I don't have a condom." Suddenly he wished he was one of the most prepared men on planet Earth.

"I don't care."

"That's a risk."

"Did you use a condom when you cheated on Owen's sister?" She bit out at him as he stroked him, grip firmer, bordering on the edge of too firm.

His irritation only manage to grow, which only happened to fuel the desire. "Wow, you really know how to get a guy to fuck you."

"You're here and you're hard, pushing yourself into my hand, throbbing, leaking. You can leave, if you want though."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"I want you to fuck me but you're not doing much of anything."

Nathan found his hand between her legs, instantly feeling just how wet she was. "You're soaked."

"Don't flatter yourself."

"You can go back in that hospital and find someone who wants you. They all run when they see you since your attitude is awful."

"Fuck me or get out."

Meredith could keep up the rough attitude all she wanted. The feeling of his fingers running along her proved just how much she desired him, the way she couldn't stop stroking him, looking up at him, something of a challenge written on her features. He could hold out, had no problem with it, biting down into the flesh of his lower lip as he did his best to not think about how she felt around him. It was just her hand, the pre come that leaked from him giving a slip that only seemed to make it worse.

"See, I don't think you mean that. You're so _damn_ wet, soaking my fingers effortlessly, pushing your pretty little cunt against my hand, clit throbbing. _You_ jumped me, _you_ pulled me into your car, _you_ stroked me before I even touched you." He grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her hand from him, guiding himself so he could rub against her, unwilling to give her what she just wanted.

"And you're just miserable?" Meredith asked as he pushed herself against him, desperate for anything. "You're hard as a rock. I know you want to fuck me. You've wanted to since we met. Now is your chance and you're wasting it."

"I can admit I want you. I don't think you can do the same."

"I hate you."

If Nathan was a more controlled man than he actually was he might have been able to keep the teasing going instead of giving Meredith just what she wanted. He wasn't, though. He wanted her and he couldn't help himself. He wanted to be buried inside of her, to feel her, to hear her moan, see her get lost in the pleasure. She'd probably fight it the entire way. She fought everything.

But then he pushed inside of her, feeling her envelop him, feeling what he only thought about in far way fantasies. None of the details of their lives mattered then. It only mattered the way she moaned and the soft little " _fuck_ " that felt from her lips while she still did her best to keep a scold on her face. There was something about the way she tried to act as if she was miserable that he found irrationally hot. The same could have been said about Meredith in general, always managing to ignite him in the dumbest of ways. Her hostile nature should have turned him off but he'd be a dirty, rotten liar if he ever said that he hadn't gotten himself off after her attitude hit him a little rougher. The details of those fantasies something he would have kept to himself.

Glutton for punishment or not.

It took him mere seconds to move, unable and unwilling to help himself. They both knew what they wanted. She grabbed him by the shirt and yanked him down, the kiss unlike the others, hotter, rougher, she's practically _biting_ at him and he was moaning into her mouth without abandon. Couldn't do anything but moan, relish in it, in everything, in how good he felt. It was effortless, almost. Irritating, for sure. The way he just buried himself into her without a second thought, the way his hips move against her and it felt like it was just never enough, like he could bottom out in her and still _need_ more.

The feel of her was unreal, too much, too wet, too hot, too tight, too perfect, too _everything_. He was coated in her and it only got worse. His own teeth sunk into her lip as her legs wrapped around him, pulling him closer. His hand ended up on the side of her neck as he held her there, the bite turning into a kiss, to the searing of everything running through him. He didn't bother to think they should have been gentle, should have not made it obvious what was happening in the car. All he wanted was get off and get her off, the coming inside of her just happened to be a perk of circumstance. One the thought of only makes him pulse harder.

"I hate you." She managed to get out against his lips.

"You hate me."

"Yes," a soft gasp fell from her, "I can't, I can't...stand you."

"Do you?" His composure wasn't any better than hers, his mind something of a mess, trying so hard not to think, "As I drive my cock into you over and over. You seem _miserable_."

"You're an ass." She kissed him anyway. running her hands through his hair, tugging, yanking, anything, pulling him closer if he could even get closer.

"I can stop." Three low risk words. They're both falling apart with each passing thrust, the way he moved into her, the way her hips roll, desperate, needing. It' was too much for either of them to dare to put it off until later.

"Just," Meredith moaned, opening her eyes to look at him, " _harder_. Come on, you gotta do better than this. Fuck me with your cock harder. Make me never forget it."

He pinned her arms above her head, letting any semblance of control go. No mercy, no words, nothing, just the two of them there as he gave her exactly what she wanted. Her wrists were held together by his hand, a grip so tight he vaguely wondered if he was hurting her, but something told him Meredith would tell him if that was the case. He really should have taken her shirt off earlier, wanting to see all of her.

Meredith was anything but quiet then. Her cries were progressively louder, lips parting, letting the moans and breaths, the curses of the word ' _fuck'_ and ' _yes'_ alternating as he really gave her everything she wanted. Something very _male_ inside him then, just using her in a similar fashion as to her using him. They needed this both of them, together, apart it didn't matter at all.

The perfected rhythm hit him and he didn't think he could possibly think any more, his brain on the edge of completely shutting off. With his free hand he found her clit, mirroring the rhythm of his cock, watching her. Something all too arousing in itself. Been too long since he'd been like that with someone, hardly as reckless as it was with Meredith, a million thoughts struggling to break their way through, nothing coherent.

All he could think was her, relishing in the pleasure, feeling the way her cunt gripped him, a fog seemingly finding him. It had taken him so long to get there with her. Ridiculous. Still, she was nearly too much to handle as he took her mouth again.

"I need to come." She broke the kiss just long enough to get the words out.

"Not yet." He bit on her ear lobe, _fucking_ her as hard as he could. If someone walked by them he was certain they'd be busted but it hardly mattered. He didn't care. Never cared much. Done some reckless shit in some reckless places. Iraq didn't really leave much room for privacy and sometimes he just _needed_ it.

"How did this turn into me being the losing one here?"

"If you were losing I wouldn't have my fingers on your clit or my cock in your cunt. You're so wet, _soaked_ , damn near desperate. Oh, it's hot as hell and your eyes burn whenever I speak. Is it the accent? Or the hatred? Both right."

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you." She fired off, biting down into her lip. "You wanna play it dirty? You seem to like that since you're all raw manpower with that egotistical army thing going on. I want to come on your cock. Yeah, I've thought about this. It pisses me off every time. I want to come and then I wanna fuck you again, I want to ride you. Then I want to pretend this never happened. So. Let. Me. Come."

"No, not yet. Hold off." Cruel, he thought, the little game when he was nearing his own orgasm. Somehow she was still driving him on the edge of insane, angling himself, barely. His own body was on fire, moments overtaking him, laughable for telling her to hold out when the struggle became a true one too soon. "Come all over my cock, Grey."

The moment it hit her all he could do was watch. She flushed more than ever, her lips parting, the repeat of his name coming out over and over, _louder_ , legs gripping around him. It was the sight that caused him to lose himself, spilling inside of her, filling her from all the holding out he'd been doing. The sound of her banging her head against the door brought him to his senses, a breathless chuckle, slipping from her, releasing his grip on her hand, resting his head on her shoulder.

"You need a better car." Nathan murmured as he tried not to put the bulk of his weight on her. Not that he minded being all tangled up in her. He really didn't mind at all.

"So much for trying to keep my car clean."

"Ruined that real quick."

"You're heavy."

Nathan finally managing to catch his mostly lost breath he pulled himself from her and made an attempt to have some sense of composure. It was makeshift and clearly anyone who saw them would know what they were up to. His hand ran through his hair, getting it out of his face as his gaze found her.

"You thought about me?" Couldn't even bother to hide the smirk.

"Ugh." she rolled her eyes. "More than I'll admit."

"Until you kissed I was pretty sure you were on the hate me train. Hate _everyone_ train after today."

"We're not talking about that."

"So," he trailed off, "what are we talking about?."

"What if I said yes to going for a drink?"

"We'd of have a drink."

"That's it?"

"Or we fucked in the bathroom." Nathan looked over at her, his expression softened to something it hadn't been in a while. "It doesn't seem like you'd of been ready for anything else. That guy, the one you had the date with, he was the first, right? Heard them talking about it."

"Yeah, he was the first."

"How well did that go?"

"It went and it ended." Meredith shrugged, clearly not wishing to discuss it. "Your first time after?"

"With someone I knew so it kind of went better than it probably would have. Grief sex of sorts."

"It gets easier."

"Yeah, it does. I hope you weren't thinking about him. For the sake of my ego."

"I wasn't." Meredith moved from where she'd been sitting, hooking her legs over him to straddle his lap. "I was thinking about you and how good it felt." Once settled her jacket found it's way to the floor of her backseat. "Then I thought how I got for Amelia being naked in my car while I'm in here with you." She paused only to take her shirt off. "Thinking about your kind of still sister in law is not sexy. Now I think I am too old with three too many kids to be taking my clothes off in a car with a guy I barely like most of the time. I'm just so fucking horny I feel like I'm going to _claw_ my own skin off and it's been five minutes."

Nathan knew the feeling well as he looked up at her. He unhooked her bra and pulled it from her body, taking a moment to just _admire_ her. "Everyone needs a little adventure." Nothing but a mere murmur as his hands softly roamed her chest and abdomen, turning into a light scrape of his nails against her, to which she arched towards him.

"What's yours?"

"I had over a decade of adventures. Not being murdered by Hunt is one." He didn't bother looking at her as he spoke, her chest capturing his attention, leaning towards her, tongue swirling around her nipple, teeth scraping just enough.

A soft, feminine moan filled the empty space of the car, "Is that why you're here? For a guy who hates you?"

The answer didn't come immediately, not as he found her clit again. His movements were lazy, slow circles giving just enough, his mouth moving to her other nipple. He wanted to put his mouth all over her body, making do with the space they had. "Keps is the reason I'm here. The patient with Avery. Got offered the job, met you, and here I am. Can't even say I lost because you're naked on top of me letting me suck on your tits so."

"You have a mouth."

"Should I be more proper?"

"No." Meredith shook her head, grinding herself against him. "I like it. I don't know if you've noticed but I'm not exactly a prude."

"I noticed." He kissed along her chest, taking his time, her collarbone earning his lingering, before her neck was the object of his attention. A brief thought passed his mind in which he was certain she'd look hotter with a mark on her neck. He controlled himself, _barely_ , kissing and nipping just enough to leave a light red mark that would fade before they even got out of the car.

"Why did you cheat on, Megan?"

That managed to pull him back from his ministrations, moving his hand to rest on her hip. "I have a question...do you actually hate me? Because at every turn you're asking about my life. Questions I have no desire to answer, but then you run to Owen and he will tell you anything."

"You're not forthcoming.'

"Neither are you." Sometimes it was unbelievable. "Hunt doesn't know the answer to that question and I'm not willing to tell you. I know it can't bother you, you're here, naked, wet, letting me touch every part of you. If you want rough sex just ask, versus prodding into my life about Megan. I won't tell you."

Meredith didn't reply, only allowing her fingers to find her own clit, watching him with intent.

It was a sight but it didn't quite erase the irritation at Megan being mentioned. He loved her, _endlessly_ , but she wasn't someone he ever wanted to talk about when he was with someone else. Especially when that was someone was naked on top of him touching herself for her own pleasure. He kept his eyes on her as she tugged off his jacket and his shirt was gone. He didn't dare to move her to get his pants off.

"I think you're not using your words so you can be difficult." Still undecided if she just liked to play the game or she wanted him to make a mess for the both of them. "So, where do you want my cock, Meredith? Your cunt? Your ass Your mouth? I'm a flexible guy, can give what you want."

"Maybe I just want you to watch me." She arched herself back, exposing more of herself, running her fingers through the mess of them both, bringing her fingers to his mouth. "Suck."

He obliged, drawing her fingers into his mouth, tongue swirling around them until she took them back.

"I still want to ride you." Meredith admitted, running her hands down his chest. "I had a dream the other night that you were in the on call room and I just came in and rode you. You were merciless, so was I. Stretching me, making me feel like there was no other cock worth having but yours. Not even too far off now." She gripped him, making another motion of stroking him, hardening in her hand. "I had to get myself off that morning. Couldn't look you at the face all day."

He swallowed his moan, his gaze dropping from her eyes to where her hand was on him. "Your little dream could become a reality."

"But now you put all kinds of dirty little thoughts in my head."

"If I ask you what you want are you going to kiss me again?" Not that he would call that anything of a complaint.

Meredith smiled, "Not yet." She let go of him and rummaged through a bag on the floor. "Cock in cunt, fingers in ass. Just have to leave my mouth empty."

The looked she had across her features was something Nathan could only describe as positively wicked, knowing the power her words and desires had over him, over them both. The urge to stroke himself was strong, a newfound throbbing feeling within him, the desire from before back so quickly, so effortlessly. She was insane, in all the best ways, situating herself back perfectly on top of his lap as she hands him the bottle of makeshift lube. "Making up for lost time here?"

"Do you have a problem with it, Mr. Flexible?"

"No," not even close to having a problem with it, not with the way the idea just sat with him, "I'd happily do anything you want."

"Anything?"

"Anything."

"Hm." Meredith looked at him with just a hint of a smirk of her own, losing the harshness she had earlier, as if it never existed. "I'll keep that in mind."

When she gripped him again he didn't bother to ask what exactly she meant by that. Doubtful anything would come of it, not when she seemed certain this was their one night thing to never be revisited. It didn't bother him, not when she was there, so close to giving him another round of something he already knew he liked.

She sunk down on him then, not bothering to say a word, not bothering to move either. Grabbing the bottle from him and squeezing some out on her hand, coating his fingers in his hand, slowly beginning to move, painfully slow, like the whole thing was the most casual thing in the world. It wasn't, at all. Nothing was casual about having his naked co-worker on riding him and knowing full well what she wanted. Part of him swore he could just explode right then and there on his own.

The cool, calm, and confident Meredith was rivaling with the desperate Meredith he saw earlier, the one who needed him, needed the orgasm so desperately. He could feel just how much they both need to go again just with the way they feel near one another. It was a lot, so much, so much that he couldn't keep himself still, pushing up into her, needing more, wordlessly begging for just something else.

Oh, how the tables had turned.

"You don't get to come before I do."

"Then you shouldn't have started riding me yet." It sounded like a complaint, he didn't care, not as his free hand found it's way to her hip. "C'mere."

She leaned forward, her arms ended up around her neck, still moving agonizingly slow.

"You're driving me crazy." He whispered, burying his face in her neck. She shifted all of the power and control to herself, something he didn't mind in the least, happy to oblige with what she wanted. He was the one being teased, the one being driven crazy, the one desperate for anything she was willing to give him. He'd taken notice of her ass a few times throughout the months, doing his best to not make it look like he was the one staring when she walked down the hall. Tried not to really look at her much unless the worked together. But there, he had free reign, to look and to touch, to appreciate. Nothing about her body anything he didn't enjoy. The hand on her hip moved to her ass squeezing the flesh in his hand, earning a sound of approval from Meredith. Tried not to get _too_ consumed with the thought of her being filled every which way.

"I'll move just as slow as you are."

No quip fell from him, not when he wanted more, to feel her, to wreck her, wreck himself. The tension only rose, carefully sliding a finger into her. The moan she let out caused a shiver within himself and he breathed heavier into her ear then, letting her take more of what she wanted from him.

"You're not going to break me, Nathan."

"You're not giving me any more than I'm giving you."

The huff that came from her wasn't missed, ultimately giving him what he wanted, all but slamming herself down on him, the tension rolling off of both of them in waves, making work of his fingers in her the way she wanted, testing just how much she wouldn't break.

" _Nathan_ , _more_. Don't make me beg."

"I like when you beg." Though the near plead in her voice was enough for him. His arm snaked around her to hold her tight, thrusting up into her hard, rough, careless, finger switching to fingers, her hands digging into his shoulder in return. The bits of pain that shot through him only made it better, made _everything_ better.

Meredith only managed to grow sloppier with each passing movement. Nothing makes sense, nothing is coherent, they are just being, in the car, in the dark, so close he can smell the scent of her shampoo, can feel her hardened nipples against him, the sounds of them moving together filling the car. She was biting down on her lip to keep quiet but it all slowly started to fall away, to become something she didn't care about, the way she would pull herself up just to wreck herself the way she'd find herself sinking on him, rolling her hips, moving in waves, gripping him, eyes opening and closing, just barely thinking or breathing, just being, fucking herself on him almost like he wasn't even there.

"Nathan, Nathan," she moaned, louder and louder with each time it slipped from past her, "It's so much, good, don't...stop. I'll kill you." She was a mess, the words coming out stringed together, barely forming a sentence.

Not that he was beginning to fare any better than her. The feel of her just taking him, convinced it was for Meredith's own pleasure and fulfillment than his own, causing his cock to throb in a new way, like the mere idea of her just using him like her own personal sex toy something that was just oh, _so_ much for them both.

"I can't, I... _can't_." She's so incoherent as her fingers toy with her clit. "Nathan, _please_ , just…"

"Please, what?" He was a big enough man to admit he didn't have much of a thought of what she wanted when she was falling apart in his lap, pushing herself back against his fingers, pushing herself down on his cock, doing his best to get more from him. As much as she could.

"I have to come but I can't."

"Yes, you can." He whispered, nipping on her lobe. "Just let go, Grey. Come for me, let me feel you come all over my cock, make me think about why you're only the one I want, make me remember. Let me see you. You're so fuckin' beautiful when you come."

Her breathing was heavier the closer she found herself to just _losing_ it. His arm moved from around her back, covering her mouth as she completely just lost herself, moans becoming too loud to conceal any other way, the way she didn't bother to try to keep quiet. The loud moans, screams, whatever he wanted to call them were muffled just barely even as his hand covered her, finally coming, in waves, all over him, gushing like she hadn't come once in half her life. The whole experience just drove him wild, his own edge reached, and he was lost, spilling inside of her for the second time that night.

He swore his lungs were collapsed, gone, dead, useless, whatever other over-dramatic thing he couldn't think of when his brain was half broken. Only finding some semblance of anything when the weight of Meredith's body weighs heavily against him.

"Did you just squirt all over me?

Meredith ran her hand along his jawline. "Yes. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. These pants are ruined but it was hot." He kissed her jawline, nipping at her skin, taking anything about her could in. "Really hot."

"I can't move yet."

Nathan lifted her just enough so she could slip off of him, his hands becoming his own again as she wrapped himself around her, catching his own breath. He could feel how much of a sticky, wet mess they both are but the bliss that washed over them made it not matter much at all.

"You know, if you accepted my drink this could have been us months ago."

"Shut up."

"Do you come like that a lot?"

"Don't let it stroke your ego. I'm just deprived." She kissed his neck and jawline, happily tangled up in him. "When I was avoiding my life in Europe. A million years ago. I just really needed to get off. You're good for something."

Nathan smiled and pulled her with him as he laid down in the backseat that was not meant for a guy as big as he was, but he could make do. "I think we ruined your backseat."

"Probably. Completely this time." She whispered as she kissed along his chest. "I don't care."

He gently ran his fingers through her blonde hair, just enjoying the moment. "We friends now."

"You could ask me to marry you and I'm too well fucked to care. Don't tell Owen. Don't tell anyone. This never happened."

"Never happened." Nathan agreed and it wasn't like he cared much anyone. The only person he really talked to was April who was going to give birth at any minute and was being awkward with Jackson. He didn't think sharing his sex life was important nor did he think she really wanted to hear it. She shared her whole life, he just let her talk until he needed a minute to breathe.

Meredith leaned over and grabbed a pack of baby wipes and some hand sanitizer, allowing them both to clean themselves up the best they could. Not as sanitary as anywhere else, but much like her, he couldn't really bring himself to care too much about anything. Not when he felt that _good_. Didn't even care too much about the buzzing noise that was coming from somewhere, Meredith reaching over and pulling out her phone.

"It's Maggie." She informed before answering. "Hey."

Nathan watched her and a part of him wished she called five minutes earlier just so he could be ridiculous and make Meredith talk while he kept everything up. He was too far gone to care how that made him sound.

"No, I got stuck at work. Patient. I'll be a while." She lied and only looked up at him briefly. "The kids okay? Okay good. Yeah. Thanks, goodnight."

"You just lied through your teeth." Nathan said as Mer tossed her phone into the front seat, resting back against him.

"What should I have said? 'I'm naked in my car on top of Riggs. Can you watch the kids for a while?'"

"That would only be worth it if we could see her face."

Meredith swatted him, "You're ridiculous."

"It doesn't turn you off."

"Yeah, well once I can move you're getting back in your own car."

"When will that be?"

"I don't know." She whispered, reaching for his hand and gripping it in her own. "You're comfortable."

Nathan just let the silence hang and it didn't take long before he knew Meredith nodded off. He'd been fighting his own exhaustion in case she wanted him to go. He wasn't young anymore. The whole endless cycles were a lot.

He wasn't really sure how much time passed when he woke, to Meredith staring up at him, resting her chin on her hands.

"You're being creepy."

"Can I ask you something?"

"I want to say no since all your questions are invasive while you offer up nothing of yourself."

"What was it about me? You asked me out in the elevator and I know you had to know Derek was dead. You're friends with April you probably know everything about this hospital."

"Yeah, Keps talks a lot." Nathan smiled. "Something about you. Attraction, if you will. You're not that bad when you cut the attitude."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "You earned it."

"Out of a loyalty to Hunt? Bull, Grey. Even Shepherd didn't act like you did and she's in love with the guy."

"You haven't been here."

"Get up."

"What?"

"Get up. I'm not fighting with you again. You don't know anything. You think you know everything but you don't. You think you're entitled to my life but you're not. The sex was great. Let's call a spade a spade."

Meredith did manage to actually get up but remained on top of him, awkwardly with the space in the car. "Owen was married to Cristina. My person. Like you're best friend on crack. A soulmate. She asked me to look after when she moved to Switzerland. That's why the loyalty exists. It's not really Owen, it's Cristina."

"And Cristina would hate me this much?"

"Probably not." Meredith shrugged. "It wasn't just Owen. It was a little bit of everything."

"Okay."

"I shared something so you would."

Nathan rolled his eyes. "Entitled."

"Come on."

"No."

"I'll blow you."

"Did you just offer to blow me for info?" He couldn't help but laugh.

"Yes."

"You realize how that sounds?"

"I don't care."

"You don't have to blow me."

"Do you not want me to?"

"You've met men before right? No guy goes "no, it's fine. my dick doesn't want to be sucked.'" The thought alone was enough to tell her probably too much information about himself.

"These seats move."

"You're telling me this now?"

"We didn't need them before." Meredith dismissed as she maneuvered around her car, earned a smack on her ass from Nathan, as she created more room in the back.

"Come here."

Nathan followed her lead and he had to admit the feeling of being able to stretch out his legs a little more was nice. "You know I have an apartment, right?"

"Then we'd have to put our clothes on and I like you like this."

"I still have my pants on."

"Take them off."

It was an order and he listened. They played the little tug and war, neither holding complete control for long. His pants were gone, tossed in the mess of clothes. "It wasn't intentional," he barely even thought before he started speaking, not because of the blowjob she wanted to give him, just because she was there and he didn't opening up a bit to her, "everything that happened. I wasn't in love with someone else. It wasn't an affair. A lot of things built up and it just became too much. It's different out there. Maybe if we were here I'd of made better decisions. I didn't. She paid the price."

"We all make mistakes."

"Yeah, we all make mistakes." It was too much to handle and Nathan didn't want to bother with the conversation. Not with all that was happening in that car like they were damn teenagers hiding from their parents. He was more comfortable in everything that remained unsaid, doing, nothing thinking, not feeling, just _fucking_. "I want to eat you out and you can blow me at the same time."

"And here I thought I was the only one with ideas." Meredith quipped before not wasting any time and moving herself so they could both get what they wanted.

It was a mess, they were a mess, to put it lightly. Sex was always something that was messy. Not as messy as things that went down in the desert, but messy enough that the night would go down as something of a unique memory he held onto.

The fact that she still wants to go is something he found impressive, could probably say the same for himself. Normally it was get in, get out and call it a day. They just pushed through, unable to get enough, in the most uncomfortable place outside of a warzone to act they were.

Her cunt right was right in front of him then, hands finding her ass just as his tongue darts out, licking her, tasting them both, the mess clear as day, the fact that it was him something enjoyable, causing a hardness in him.

She was a mess of them both despite her best efforts, something he found hot. It was stupid, that much he knew. To just take the risk and come inside of her regardless, but it was hot, some weird primal guy thing he didn't understand and probably thought made him the biggest asshole. In his defense, she just told him to do it and the hot, near desperate woman was not one he would turn down.

By then her mouth was on his hard cock and deep in her mouth, distracting him for a moment, many moments. The way her tongue swirled and she took him for all he was worth, proving how eager and how good she was at it, _a lot._ Didn't help he was on the edge of exhausted and sensitive, losing any sanity he could have possibly had left. Not that it was much to begin with.

When she sat on his face properly, a mental note to tell her was what got him as hard as it did, he swiped his tongue over her clit, continuously, flat and tip, swirling, sucking, covering her completely any given moment. The pleasure that pulses through him was a lot and he does his best to keep himself from pushing him into her mouth more, giving her all he could.

Two fingers found their way into her and she's so wet, dripping onto him, lapping it up with his tongue, making a mess on his face. Vaguely wondered if that was how she was all the time, just needy, needing more and more, taking whatever someone would give her.

She was sucking him in earnest by then, so much it was near impossible to keep himself together, impossible to not think of how good she must have looked with him filling her mouth. Her hands found his balls and he was a true mess, so lost, so gone and so close to losing himself. The sensation of everything just _wrecked_ him, his own personal heaven and hell that made his attention to her clit is own way of making her as wrecked as him.

"I'm not gonna make it." He managed to get out, smacking his head on the floor of her car, which if anything, managed to cause him to hold on for a moment, just a moment, the slight pain something he liked.

More than his desire to come was his desire to get her off. If they were going for records there he wanted to make it be one that lasted, so she was left thinking about their night for some time to come, to wherever that left them. He didn't know.

Didn't really care when he was gone, unable to pull himself back from the edge, the last swirl of her tongue, the barely there grazing of her teeth too much to leave him controlled. The moan that came from him was muffled by her, taking what she wanted from him, riding his face much like she rode his cock, fingers hitting that sweet little spot inside of her, begging her to come undone.

She followed him, riding out her orgasm and only slowing when it passed, not without him hearing his name murmured for what felt like the millionth time in the car. He barely noticed it the first time, always using Riggs, not Nathan, but he liked the sound of it. Like everything about everything.

Once they managed to find some composure she laid next to him, on her side, propping herself up on her elbow as she looked over at him.

"I need a minute."

"I didn't even say anything yet."

"You have the look while you're trying to murder me."

"Don't be so dramatic." She smiled, writing her name along his chest with her finger. "One last time and I'll let my hostage go."

" _Insatiable_." Nathan commented, looking over her, drawing her closer.

"Deprived."

"Same difference."

"You're holding your own better than most."

"Yeah?" He looked over at her, running his fingers through her hair, tucking some behind her ear. "Is that why you're always up in arms?"

"No." She narrowed her gaze just enough " _Kind of._ Not like there's many options around here."

"Other than me?"

"Other than you."

"I'm taking that as a compliment."

"If you must."

"Sleep with any of them?" Nathan questioned casually.

"No. You're lucky guy number two after Derek."

"You're girl number…"

"Been there." Meredith moved closer to him, "Evelyn didn't seem upset with you."

"Hunt had enough of that for everyone."

"Does she know?"

"Yeah," Nathan nodded, finding the whole conversation not something he wanted to have, but not really knowing what else to talk about. "It's part of the story."

"You didn't tell me, Owen did."

"Because it's none of your business." Nathan didn't mean to bite the words out at her like he did. "You don't talk about your husband. You get mad about him, get mad at Shepherd, mad at everyone, but you don't talk about him. Hey, don't get me wrong I don't blame you. You just have this way about you where you want to know everything but don't want to let anyone have anything in return. Even Keps only gave me a hard time and we spent months out there together."

"He was my husband I don't know you want me to say."

"Nothing, that's the point." He shook his head, but ended up just letting out a bit of laughter. "I don't care. I don't mean in the mean way. If you spoke I'd listen but I don't care about your husband right now. Yes, I cheated on her. Yes, I made a mistake. I've paid every day for it. Maybe you had a picture perfect marriage where you and your three kids lived in perfect harmony, I don't know. I don't care. You're just hellbent on this conversation."

"It wasn't perfect."

"Nothing is." He knew that better than anyone. Nothing was perfect no matter how perfect they could have made it seem. One of the biggest reasons he could understand some of the anger Owen showed him. He just didn't get it. He and Megan always seemed so damn happy when they weren't always like that. Sometimes he just wanted to throttle her, for back of a letter phrase, and they crumbled. They crumbled like so many did and it was probably the least surprising turn of events. He should have made the right choice and broken up with her, but he didn't. He cheated, she left, and then he never got to see her again. It was on no but him and that was something he needed to live with. He just wished Meredith would drop the conversation already and accept his answers as the only answers he was ever going to get.

"Kiss me."

"You're a strange woman."

"Yes, I know. Kiss me."

He did. Easy to get his mind off of Megan and everything that went wrong. His put his hand on the side of her face as he kissed her, closing any distance that could have been there. Being close to her was something he grew to like in a way he didn't think would happen, sure as hell not in a short amount of time. Her chest was pushed against his own as it just became casual, _slow_ , something they didn't practice much with each other that night.

Everything was fire, making messes and complications, making things so different than anything else. It wasn't slow. It wasn't soft. It wasn't...like it turned into.

When she hooked her leg over him he gripped her thigh, holding her, tangling themselves into a mess of limbs. He couldn't stop kissing her, didn't want to, didn't care about much else other than her lips being against his, her body against his own, the heat between them growing.

"Sometimes I don't want her to be happy." Meredith whispered as she dared to look anywhere but him. .

"I know." He nuzzled against her jawline, ghosting kisses along her, "you can't control their happiness. You can only try to find your own."

In the midst of everything his arousal found him again and he slid inside of her, holding her closer, kissing her lips again as they slowly rocked together.

It was different. Something he couldn't explain. The mood, he suspected, just turning them down a path neither of them really wanted to be on. She felt good around him but by the fourth time he had to admit it didn't matter much that it was the sex, just being there with her was nice.

He didn't want that. Didn't even understand it.

"i'm not happy."

"I also know that." He murmured, resting his forehead against hers, looking into her eyes. "I'm not either." Something he didn't really admit much. He was about as happy as he was going to get, but it still wasn't true. So much of it felt like he was putting something forward that he didn't know how to explain.

Meredith looked at him as her hips moved against him, enough to gain a little more pleasure. "I want to stop hurting."

"It gets better."

"I hope so."

When Meredith kissed him again he allowed himself to fall into it, to take the way they moved together at a pace that could only be described as slow, holding her close like it was all something different to what it actually was. It was sex still. He was adamant about that but the greater understanding that existed between them was different.

The oversensitivity that existed within them both made them not hold out for all that long, coming as she bit down into his lip, the moans and sounds of them moving together the only thing heard.

As it turned out by the fourth time he didn't care much about the raw desire of it all.

Nathan had to admit it was a lot, too much, the way he looked as at her he came, _again_ , the way she was calm and didn't break from him. It was together, in unison, like they were playing with fire. Almost preferred the withdrawn nature, the hostile attitude, all of the things that he could make sense of when he couldn't make much sense of her at all.

They untangled themselves faster than they had any other time that night. He was tired, exhausted. It was good and he wasn't going to take the night back, nor complain, but when he put his clothes back on and found himself standing in the half empty parking lot with her it was nice to break.

No question of what it was but a true difference in whatever they had before, if for no other reason than how she didn't look at him like she wanted to kill him anymore.

She reached up and kissed him, one last time. "Thanks, for tonight."

"Goodnight, Grey." He whispered against her lips, taking something of a more passionate kiss for himself before turning to go back to his own car. "If you're ever, what was it, 'so horny you feel like you're going to claw your own skin off,' you know where to find me."


End file.
